Give me back creativity!

I’ve just been cruising through a three day weekend from work. It was great being able to spend time with family friends at a barbecue and going to church for the first time in a while, despite that I had only managed to fill one day of these past three with anything productive. Sure I did some work around the house and hit the gym but aside from that all that occurred was myself sitting at this desk staring at facebook save for watching a few movies. As time passed by with me being idle a question wandered into my mind,

How did I spend free time earlier in life?

And so I pondered the question whilst iTunes ran through old playlists of tracks more or less the same as the ones I listened to years ago. Video games first came to mind. I recall having my early teenhood consumed by the once popular korean produced Ragnarok Online, arguably the best online gaming experience prior to the release of World of Warcraft. What was so fascinating about the game that captured years of my childhood? I could not reproduce any memories of myself actually having played and experienced the game. No, most of my experience with that game was on the server side aspect. Completing tasks such as running a forum community, developing and maintaining server patches whilst ironing out bugs and other behind the scenes things. I guess video games or at least my own experience with that particular one gave me an outlet to create and express anything and share it with others.

Now I’m the guy playing the game. The player. Rather than creating I’m playing the story set out for me. This is how I escape the real world for a better one, or at least that is the delusion. I’m still more or less following a script laid out for me, just like with study and work for the next few years. For my own sanity perhaps its time I revisit the world of experimentation and creation before my soul gets swallowed up by the lifelong career dream. I see myself becoming an passionless robot before long should I continue functioning like now.

PS. Reading over this again I realize this makes little sense, but I feel a little less stuck in a rut than before typing all this out.